Picking myself back up again.

Like I thought, I gained this week. However, I did not even begin to think I would gain as much as i did.
3.2 lbs.
I am horrified. And honestly, I dont think it was all a legitimate gain. I did not eat THAT badly and my stomach was messed up from my IBS.
Anyway, I just feel like a failure sort of. Ive been doing this since December. WTF.
And honestly, a lot of it has to do with how damn broke I am. Seriously, I take all blame and responsibility for this, but I believe my money situation is half the issue.
I have not gone to the grocery in 3 weeks (maybe more) and have no food. So, I ate out a lot. I broke my ff challenge and ate out. And Im really disappointed about that. But I just didnt know what to do.
So, Im changing my circumstances. I am applying for nanny jobs for the summer and hopefully will be making a LOT more money doing that. I may still work at my lame theatre job for some extra cash. but I dont know. I honestly really hate that place.
I really think that having enough money will help. I know that I have to take responsibility for the other part of it, but I really know myself and know that if I had more options and more healthy foods I would be doing a lot better.
Im re weighing in again tomorrow (mainly for my peace of mind so I dont beat myself up about this all week) and I will repost on here. Maybe I am in denial, but Im 90% sure that I am not 3 damn pounds heavier.

Anyway, better news next time I hope =/

Why do we always want to defeat ourselves?

What is going on??
Last week I lost another 1.4 lbs. I was SO excited to lost significantly two weeks in a row. When I made my weigh in video I expressed my concern that I might ruin it.
And I am currently in the process of doing so.
I have been off plan and eating not great things almost every day. Maybe my body will be nice to me and maintain. Maybe it wont.
In the past, I have given up at points like this. In the past I would have thought "This is too hard, Im taking a break" and then I would regain everything I had lost plus more.
That is in the past. It ended there. That person who gave up and decided that settling was okay is GONE. She doesnt exsist anymore.
This is FAR from over. Even if I (GOD forbid) gained back 7 lbs on Saturday, I will NOT feel defeated. I will pick myself back up and start again.
This is what I want. I will fight for it and I will NOT let it get me again.
I just dont understand why we let ourselves do this? I saw it coming and I STILL let it happen. Maybe I am being too hard on myself. Maybe I will lose. But if I do I wont feel like I deserve it.

Im going ot run on the treadmill tomorrow and get back on track. I owe it to myself. I deserve this happiness. I deserve to be healthy.

New Hope.

Weighed in today at Weight Watchers and lost 2.2 pounds!!! Im SO happy to have actually lost a significant amount!! I feel like Im finally in a good place with weight loss. It seems like it took me forever though. Anyway, I dont want to mess this up, so Im going to be doing MUCH better this week with my eats and whatnot.
Im still doing well with my 21 day challenge. No crispy chicken sanwiches for me!! haha.

Anyway, if you wanna check out my weigh in video here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/user/LindseyBrooke27?feature=mhw4

Thanks for reading!!

No Fast Food 21 Day Challenge!

Im starting a 21 day challenge for myself to not eat fast food for 21 days. Im on my second day and I think it is going to be easier than I originally thought it would be. The worst part is going to be on the weekends when Im not at my house most of the time.

Anyway, I have a video up on youtube (LindseyBrooke27) explaining everything. Join if you want to!

Also, my weight this week is down 2 lbs so far!! Yay! Im not going to get too excited though because Saturdays seem to be a weird day for me. Anyway, Im happy to see the numbers go down. Im feeling thinner and I really love it!

Some eats from the week

 

3 pancakes with a tiny bit of margarine with fruit on top. I added some sugar to the berries to make a syrup of sorts. They were thawed frozen berries and I honestly thought they tasted odd. It was overall pretty good, but next time Im going to just use fresh strawberries.

Lettuce with shredded chicken on top that I heated up in the skillet and seasoned a bit. it was actually just the canned kind. This was really really good. Also tomato. I <3 Tomato. Cant wait till summer when they are better. And, yes, that is a Disney Princess plate =D

OKay. This looks gross and it was gross. Its whole wheat penne with marinara with a little mozzarella. I like whole wheat spaghetti, but this was nasty. The texture of the pasta was horrible. Ughhh. I was sooo disappointed. From now on, Im splurging on points when it comes to penne. I couldnt even finish it.

Yummy grapes and yogurt.

 

These are just pics of what I actually remembered to take pictures of this week. I want to get into the habit of posting pics of most of my meals.

Anyway, byes for now. Weigh in Tomorrow =)

Weigh In #I have no idea

Went to weight watchers today and lost .8
Im happy about it, but Id be more excited if I had made up for what I gained last week. Anyway, Im headed in the right direction, so that's good.
Tonight I am going to try and work on a meal plan for the next week so that I know what I need to get at the grocery.
Anyway, not much else to say other than that. Perhaps I will post an entry with my youtube weigh in later when I feel more talkative

Update

Sorry its been so long since I last posted! I am on Spring Break this week (it's almost over =(( ) and was in KY for a few days and had no internet.

Anyway, last week I weighed in and gained 1.6 lbs.

Okay, honestly, Im not making excuses, but Im pretty sure it wasnt a real gain. I weighed in on my scale at home that morning too and I was at 167 and the next day when I weighed I was 165 (my scale is about 2 lbs more than the WW scale).
So, I dont know why that happened, or what I ate, but it was off. I didnt eat badly enough that week to gain and I honestly think I at least maintained. My weigh in just happened to land on the wrong day, lol.

Anyway, moving on from that, THIS week is the week I should gain. I havent eaten badly, but I havent eaten well either. Since I was in Kentucky I was eating out almost every meal. There are a couple places there that I never get to eat at, so I treated myself to things I would not have treated myself to otherwise.
Even though I will be disappointed if I gain, I will understand why.

This week, Anna (my WW friend and fellow blogger) blogged about eating non processed foods all week and I may challenge myself to do this starting this Monday. I want to start eating less processed foods anyway, and I know it will help with my weight loss.

For the past month or so, my weight loss has sucked. I know why and I know what I need to do to fix it. It really sucks that being a broke ass college student makes it so hard to stay on track. Im going to sacrifice all the money I have left from my paycheck to get good foods for next week.

I just have to start seeing results. Im beginning to start have negative feelings about myself and my weight loss journey and that is not going to help me. I find myself constantly trying to be positive, because I know that beating myself up about things will not do anything for me. I am not quitting this time. Im just not. I have to do this for myself. I have to be completely selfish and only think of me when it comes to this. I have to take care of myself because no one else can! This is important. I am important. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering that I am doing this for myself and that I want this. I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in my life.
I need this to work this time, and it will. If it takes me 5 years to get this stupid weight off of me, I will wait 5 damn years.

Anyway, enough rambling. I definitely feel good about this next week. I will LOSE at my weigh in after this one. I may lose this Saturday, but I dont want to set myself up for disappointment.
I can do this, and to anyone who is reading this; You can too. So, let's do this...